It has been an interesting week for me. I had my pre-wedding photoshoot on Wednesday and got to be a model for a day, which was surprisingly quite fun! And lucky me, I have another photoshoot scheduled next week, as we were not able to complete the shoot due to the rain. I was initially disappointed that we had to call off the photoshoot midway. I really dislike a change in plan. However, it is interesting to observe how the situation we perceive changes as we we change our perception towards the situation. Now, I am all excited about getting dolled up again. Perhaps the photos would be even better this time as my fiance and I have had a day of “practice”. Today is also the last lecture day for the semester. Next week, the examination begins so I am still not off the hook. After that, I will be moving, so this is also my last semester with my current course. How time flies! It has been almost 8 months now since I left the corporate world to pursue this dream of mine. This brings to the topic I’d like to share today.
I have often wondered: what is my passion? What is my purpose on earth? I have met individuals who seemed to be living with so much passion and certainty about their life’s direction. At times, I really wished that I could be like them, and I have wondered how does it feel to be so certain about onself. At the same time, I have also met many people who do not know what they like and where to even begin. I used to be like like these latter group. I used to be so paralyzed by fears of making a mistake. However, these days, I am really blessed that I now hover between these two groups: I may not be completely certain, but I do know a lot more about what I do not like, what I do like and what am I inclined towards.
For many years, whenever I mention that I want to return to school to pursue psychology, my mother would questioned my decision. Although I now understand that this is her way of supporting me to make the right decision, it hurt a lot. Because the truth is: I do not know for sure whether this path is the right one for me. Her concerns and questions actually mirrored mine and so I feel even more afraid.
Retraining in psychology may be the right decision for me at this point in time. And perhaps it may not be. But I do know that psychology is something that I want to do. And so, I have to give it a go. Yes, I am relieved to find that I am interested and enjoy most of my classes. But it does not mean that my life becomes automatically happy and perfect and stress-free. I still have my ups and downs and I actually need to be vigilant in managing my mind to remain happy and balanced.
You see, our likes and dislikes are really our guiding compass. As we step towards something that we naturally like and step away from those that we do not, we are essentially moving closer and closer to what we really want. It does not mean that we will not make mistakes. Believe me, I have made my shares of mistakes. And I have paid for my mistakes and it hurt like hell. That said, I can start over again. As long as I am still breathing, I can start over again. What’s more, in the long run, these “mistakes” will not matter. And when it does, you will know that you have had the opportunity to learn an invaluable life’s lesson.
One of my favourite teacher, writer, queen of positive affirmations and the founder of HayHouse Publishing, Louise L. Hay, frequently affirms this: only good lies before me. I find this affirmation very comforting as it helps me feel that everything happens for a reason and everything is perfect. It also gives me the courage, to take the next step and the next step, towards whatever that is calling for me. And I hope that it does the same for you too.