Life Lesson #3: I learnt that we do not make changes because it is easier to stay with the pain that we are familiar with

Ah… who among us have not stayed with something (whether it is a job, a relationship, a perspective, a behaviour) that is not serving us simply because it is deemed to be the easier choice? I know I have certainly done that many times in my own life.

I used to work as a change management consultant, which meant that I help large corporations navigate through changes that are being introduced to them. So while I am deemed to be an expert of change, I used to joke that I am perfect for the job not because I am an ambassador of change, but because I hate changes! Due to my own resistance to change, I can completely emphatize with the resistance and challenges faced by these companies.

I do not know about you, but changes (even good ones) are scary for me. I remembered going back to school last year, and how freaked out I felt even though I have had this dream of retraining in psychology for the longest time! And now, I am going through another change of moving to a whole new country in a week’s time, and I feel like I am jumping up and down inside me all of the time. AAAAHHHHH! Yet, the good thing about me is that I will make the change, even though it freaks the hell out of me. It is something like Susan Jeffers’ famous “feel the fear and do it anyway” mantra. After having enough of feeling my fears, it then becomes more comfortable to take the plunge to see what it is like on the other side.

So, what is it that you know you need to change but you are resisting simply because it is easier to stay with the familiar? Do share! And if you have any strategies of overcoming fears of change, I would also like to hear from you.

Have a wonderful week ahead! Adios!

My experience of how the “stuff” in our lives deplete our energy

It has been almost a month since my last post, as I have been completely swamped in the past month: sitting for my exams, packing up and getting ready for my upcoming move in June, finalizing the accounts and closing my company, sorting out the vendors and details for my wedding end of the year and generally tying up all the loose ends. Phew, it has really been quite a month!

The main activity for me in the past month was to declutter and pack up all my stuff that I have accumulated in the past (almost) 3 decades. I have always enjoyed the process of decluttering and organizing, and was actually looking forward to doing this activity (I know, I am weird!) To me, completing a decluttering cycle is like completing a detoxifying cleanse: it leaves me feeling light and high!

However, what surprised me was how absolutely drained and exhausted I felt when I had all the items in my house laid out to be sorted in 3 stacks: to give away, throw or pack. Although I am not a shopper and I have been decluttering through the years, I was still stunned by the sheer number of things that I have accumulated: that self-help book I just “needed”, these chiropractic tools that I needed to try to treat my neckpain, that travel memorabilia that I just “need” to buy as a travel keepsake, this fitness equipment that I “know” would help me in losing weight, etc. With every item laid out in front of me together with a shipping limitation (which meant that I needed to choose what to bring with me vs what to be thrown/ given away), I was confronted with the sheer number of things that I thought I “needed”, but in reality, was something that I have never used, no longer use and will never use again.

I never knew how much power the things in our lives hold over us, until I had it all laid out before me. It was as if I was this energy generator with multiple cords attached to me from each item I owned, and each item was slowly draining the energy from me. With more items added to my life, more energy gets depleted.

This experience was relevatory and humbling. It made me realize how little we really “need”. And in fact, the lesser we have, the more we are able to appreciate and experience whatever it is that really matters. The next time I open my purse, I am going to remind myself of this experience and ask myself: do I really really really need to buy this thing and “carry” its energy with me?

This is all for now. Do share or leave any comments as I would love to hear from you. Have a wonderful week ahead!

Lesson #2: I learnt that we may not always know our passion or purpose, but we can always start eliminating what we do not like, look at what we like and go from there.

It has been an interesting week for me. I had my pre-wedding photoshoot on Wednesday and got to be a model for a day, which was surprisingly quite fun! And lucky me, I have another photoshoot scheduled next week, as we were not able to complete the shoot due to the rain. I was initially disappointed that we had to call off the photoshoot midway. I really dislike a change in plan. However, it is interesting to observe how the situation we perceive changes as we we change our perception towards the situation. Now, I am all excited about getting dolled up again. Perhaps the photos would be even better this time as my fiance and I have had a day of “practice”. Today is also the last lecture day for the semester. Next week, the examination begins so I am still not off the hook. After that, I will be moving, so this is also my last semester with my current course. How time flies! It has been almost 8 months now since I left the corporate world to pursue this dream of mine. This brings to the topic I’d like to share today.

I have often wondered: what is my passion? What is my purpose on earth? I have met individuals who seemed to be living with so much passion and certainty about their life’s direction. At times, I really wished that I could be like them, and I have wondered how does it feel to be so certain about onself. At the same time, I have also met many people who do not know what they like and where to even begin. I used to be like like these latter group. I used to be so paralyzed by fears of making a mistake. However, these days, I am really blessed that I now hover between these two groups: I may not be completely certain, but I do know a lot more about what I do not like, what I do like and what am I inclined towards.

For many years, whenever I mention that I want to return to school to pursue psychology, my mother would questioned my decision. Although I now understand that this is her way of supporting me to make the right decision, it hurt a lot. Because the truth is: I do not know for sure whether this path is the right one for me. Her concerns and questions actually mirrored mine and so I feel even more afraid.

Retraining in psychology may be the right decision for me at this point in time. And perhaps it may not be. But I do know that psychology is something that I want to do. And so, I have to give it a go. Yes, I am relieved to find that I am interested and enjoy most of my classes. But it does not mean that my life becomes automatically happy and perfect and stress-free. I still have my ups and downs and I actually need to be vigilant in managing my mind to remain happy and balanced.

You see, our likes and dislikes are really our guiding compass. As we step towards something that we naturally like and step away from those that we do not, we are essentially moving closer and closer to what we really want. It does not mean that we will not make mistakes. Believe me, I have made my shares of mistakes. And I have paid for my mistakes and it hurt like hell. That said, I can start over again. As long as I am still breathing, I can start over again. What’s more, in the long run, these “mistakes” will not matter. And when it does, you will know that you have had the opportunity to learn an invaluable life’s lesson.

One of my favourite teacher, writer, queen of positive affirmations and the founder of HayHouse Publishing, Louise L. Hay, frequently affirms this: only good lies before me. I find this affirmation very comforting as it helps me feel that everything happens for a reason and everything is perfect. It also gives me the courage, to take the next step and the next step, towards whatever that is calling for me. And I hope that it does the same for you too.

Lesson #1: I learnt that when you are in alignment, things flow, opportunities come falling onto your lap, life is easy. When you don’t, all hells break lose!

I’ve been away for awhile, trying to figure how to write about this lesson. In the end, I came to the conclusion that this is really a topic and lesson that I still have so much more to learn.

I still don’t know what it takes to be aligned. Perhaps it is about being completely in alignment with who I am, and how I present myself to the world. Perhaps it is about being deeply connected with God/ a Higher Power. Or more lately, I am discovering that perhaps it is about being truly accepting of whatever that come my way. It does not mean that I do not work hard or do not continuously try to improve myself. However, what is more important is I accept life on life’s term, instead of always wanting it to be different.

I remember a time when I had a glimpse of the power of alignment. At that time, I was training to be a coach but I did not know how I was going to build a coaching practice. All I knew was that I can just practice my craft to the best of my ability, and to allow God/ Higher Power to guide me and to work through me. At the same time, I was going through some difficult times at work so I was practicing the daily lessons of The Course diligently as I needed a miracle. To my amazement, things fell into place very quickly. Coaching opportunities and engagements began showing up even without me doing any marketing. It felt so easy. People were asking me to coach them. I did not even need to do any work! And for once, I was given the opportunity to see how easy life could be when we are truly aligned. I was amazed. But ironically, I kept telling myself “I cannot believe this. This is too easy!” So guess what? It all fell apart within weeks.

Nevertheless, I was grateful for the experience because it gave me a chance to see a new possibility. However, what is not so good is that I find myself trying to go back to that same state and getting frustrated when I just could not get into the flow. Thus, I am writing this today both to share about my little preview about being in alignment and also to let it go. Because I have an inkling that hanging on to this experience may in itself be a hindrance to getting into the state of feeling aligned again.

I would certainly love to hear your thoughts.

(Sneak peak) of lessons I have learnt over the year

I have kept a journal for many years. And a few weeks ago, while flipping through my latest journal, I happened to stop at a particular entry I made some time last year. Normally, I do not re-read my entries because some of them could be very painful. The last thing I want is to stir up old hurts and memories.

But I was glad that I stopped and read this page. It was written on a particular low August day. I was in a self-critical state and was full of criticism about who I am, what was I doing and where was I headed in life. After a full page of my usual rant, I got tired, turned around and began writing about what I have learnt in my life. I have always felt that I have something to share and offer to the world. But I was always afraid that what I say does not matter, that I am not enough and that I have not learnt enough.

After re-reading what I have written down that day, I was truly amazed. These lessons were profound, for me at least. I did not realized that I have actually learnt something valuable in my past twenty-something years. But I did. And so, I have decided to share each of them, one entry at a time on this blog. For now, here’s a sneak peak of the list:

Lesson #1: I learnt that when you are in alignment, things flow, opportunities come falling onto your lap, life is easy. When you don’t, all hells break lose!
Lesson #2: I learnt that we may not always know our passion or purpose, but we can always start eliminating what we do not like, look at what we like and go from there.
Lesson #4: I learnt that we need to pay close attention to our words. If we kept saying things like “one more year, and I shall…(do this)”, there will always be “one more year to go”!
Lesson #6: I learnt that it is exceptionally important for us to speak our truth, especially to ourselves
Lesson #15: I learnt that we are really stronger than we think we are. In fact, I do not think that anything can break us, unless we allow it to break us
Lesson #16: I learnt that sometimes it is the simplest things in life (like reading a book and drinking a really warm and delicious coffee) that brings me more joy than anything

I hope that these lessons stir some thoughts in you. At the very least, I do hope that what I have to share will be able to touch and warm the heart of someone, out there, whoever you are. Because I believe that, when I genuinely have something to say, there will be someone who genuinely need to hear what I have to say. Even that someone is just myself.

Till the next time, take good care and have a wonderful week.

Letting go of pre-conceived notions about relationships

I have never attempted to write about relationships because I don’t really think I qualify. I am not some happily married old couple who have just celebrated their golden or diamond (is there such a thing?) anniversary. Neither am I the best daughter, sister, colleague, friend etc. But this topic has been coming up a lot in my life and the lives of the people I love. It is something that is very close to the hearts of many and it is through my relationships that I have grown to be who I am today. Hence, I’m just going to take a leap of faith and share some of my thoughts.

Over the last few years, I have became so much more aware about how we define relationships. It’s like we put people into categories and into certain niche. The picture of a happy family depicts a father, a mother and two kids (preferably a boy and a girl). We call this a “healthy” family. And so we do our best to fit into the mould. Even when the marriage is no longer working. Even if the parents and child or the whole family cannot get along. When it comes to photo time, everyone stands into their “positions” and smile. It’s like we have been sold so well to this idea that it has became second to nature. But, the question is, how healthy is this? Is this really necessary? And, more importantly, who’s idea was this?

The Course in Miracles teaches us that relationships are assignments. What if, this is all that it is? Who are we to judge what “should” and “shouldn’t be”? No one can really know what goes on between a relationship (between a mother and child, in a romantic relationship, etc). Only the 2 person involved can really tell. Even then, haven’t we all fall short (more often than not) of being the best that we can be?

So, my point is this: perhaps (just perhaps) if we could look at all relationships without any preconceived notion of how it should be, then maybe all heartbreaks, loneliness, disappointment, etc will then fall away. Heck, if you take a step back and look for this from a bigger perspective, and approach life without any preconceived idea of how it should be (but just accepting it as it really is), wouldn’t all “sufferings” fall away? This makes me think about the line the Course, which says: “You think you have many problems, but you really only have one. And that is your separation from God (Love)” [Note: paraphrase].

I don’t know if I am making any sense here. But, these are my thoughts and what do you think? I would love to hear from you.

Till the next time, have a wonderful weekend!

Scaling Back

The 15-days Lunar New Year celebration is finally over on Sunday. After all the gatherings with family and friends, it is nice to spend some quiet me-time at home.

The next 2-3 months is going to be busy, with the packing and tying up of loose ends for a my impending move to another country. Not to mention that this is the 2nd half of my school semester (and usually the busier one with assignments to be completed and finals to prepare for). In addition, I also have a wedding to plan, a business to wrap up and to find a tenant for my apartment. I am excited and nervous at the same time. There seemed to be so many changes in 2013 and it can be a tad overwhelming.

And that’s why I needed to let go of some of the stuff that I initially intended to do in 2013: write a book, build a coaching practice, volunteer for two not-for-profit organisations (including running an women empowerment programme for one of them) and to work part-time. It was not easy to let go off some of these things (or at least to put them on hold). Especially with my volunteering work with is very close to my heart. I feel that I should not be just a full-time student. Instead, I should be out there, applying what I am learning and doing work for the world. Yet, after being sick and sleeping poorly for close to a month, I finally admit that I had to stop. And yesterday, for the first time in a month, I had a good night’s sleep.

Sometimes, we can be overambitious and try to do many things. And then, we get stressed out and tired. At the end of the day, the stress is from our own doing. Especially at this point in time, where I still feel like I have to work harder and do more to make up for “lost” time. However, the body is wise in its own ways. My body especially will “break down” with aches and colds to signal that I need to rest. Still, it is really silly to to wait till I am sick for the permission to slow down. That should not be the way!

How about you? Are you easing into 2013 gently and nicely, or are you also feeling frazzled like I do? Perhaps you might be interested to check out Doreen Virtue’s 2013 Month By Month Angel Card Reading:

Till the next time, have a wonderful week!